I. Colina vs John Scalzi
Here’s what I imagine a first-time meeting between myself and John Scalzi:
Me: At a random convention. “Oh my nar, are you John Scalzi?”
JS: Sees the half-crazed look on my face and debates whether or not to answer.
Me: Sees the: (stack of books/giant banner/thousands of people in line waiting for autographs/name tag) that obviously indicates that this is John Scalzi. “Oh my nar, it is you!”
Me: “Oh man, I’m like your biggest super-mega-awesome fan, I love your books, I love your blog, and now that I’ve met you in person, I love you to!”
JS: Says something witty/cat related/cool here
Me: “Whoa…” Stops staring when JS coughs uncomfortably, then pulls out some form of bacon paraphernalia from backpack and hands it to him. “Here, I’ve been carrying this around for ten years on the off-chance I ran into you someday and could give it to you in person.”
JS: Hesitantly takes object, “Um… Thanks.”
Me: “Yay, I met John Scalzi!” Does something super-awkward (like dances).
JS: You know I have no idea who you are, right?
Me: Stops dancing. A small tear runs down cheek. “Yes, I know. But I’ve finally met you!” Falls to knees and begins sobbing. “It’s just so… beautiful.”
JS: Signals discreetly for security guards. “Right, I better get back to signing autographs for my enormous line of fans.”
Me: Sniffles. OK, yeah, totally. It’s just… A lowly commoner like myself got to meet John Scalzi!
Two large security guards come in and begin to drag me away.
JS: “What a nutcase!”
Me: “John Scalzi called me a nutcase!” Is dragged towards the doors. “Wheaton, here I COOOOME!”